We know your time is precious (and limited)
Therefore, this year's Wellbeing Lunch and Learns have been designed differently to accommodate for this time constraint. There are six Lunch and Learns scheduled for this year. On the first day of a Lunch and Learn month, videos and handouts will be uploaded to this page. You will have a couple weeks to watch the videos, read through the materials and if you desire, work through the corresponding handouts provided - all from the comfort of your own desk.
Feel free to 'lunch and learn' anytime.
Then, if you want to, BYO lunch and eat with other colleagues who have also interacted with the online resources. Enjoy a facilitated conversation, discussing what you have been thinking about as you have worked through the online materials. Facilitated conversations will occur on the third Thursday of a Lunch and Learn month. L&L months: September, October, November, January, February, April.
Feel free to 'lunch and learn' anytime.
Then, if you want to, BYO lunch and eat with other colleagues who have also interacted with the online resources. Enjoy a facilitated conversation, discussing what you have been thinking about as you have worked through the online materials. Facilitated conversations will occur on the third Thursday of a Lunch and Learn month. L&L months: September, October, November, January, February, April.
This year's focus:
the emotional dimension of the wellbeing wheel
WHY:
several reasons:
1. this year at work may be emotionally challenging for some employees
2. college student 'mental health' is a popular (read critical) topic in higher ed these days
3. this new format for Lunch and Learns makes it comfortable to focus on this dimension of the wheel -
no need to interact with others about this topic if you don't want to
1. this year at work may be emotionally challenging for some employees
2. college student 'mental health' is a popular (read critical) topic in higher ed these days
3. this new format for Lunch and Learns makes it comfortable to focus on this dimension of the wheel -
no need to interact with others about this topic if you don't want to
HOW:
this year, several of the members of the University Wellbeing Committee
will be compiling the online resources and facilitating the in person Lunch and Learn discussions
this is being done so that our community can consider wellbeing related topics
from a variety of voices on our campus
will be compiling the online resources and facilitating the in person Lunch and Learn discussions
this is being done so that our community can consider wellbeing related topics
from a variety of voices on our campus
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FIRST LUNCH AND LEARN:
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Expectations &
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Unmet and unclear expectations can be a silent killer of contentment and wellbeing.
This summer, our family’s vehicles were at the mechanic’s shop for a cumulative total of about 3 weeks. For a busy family of four with both parents working full time, I’m sure you can imagine that put more than a wrinkle into our schedules (and wallets!). The whole situation had me stewing (that’s what I do), irritated, and highly frustrated until my wife asked a simple question that broke through my grumbling: “What do you expect?” It wasn’t meant to be snarky or shaming. She just genuinely wondered about the expectations I held for our vehicles--each with over 130,000 miles.
“What do you expect?”
This question brought my heart and mind right back to earth. I decided to take it literally and let it teach me. What I quickly learned was that the source of my frustration and stress was an unmet expectation (that our vehicles would not have mechanical breakdowns). Reflecting on my expectations--in this case, pretty clearly unrealistic--and naming those expectations relieved the pressure and some of the irritation. It brought the whole situation into better focus, it brought me into better touch with myself, and it helped me cope with reality.
I think it’s powerful to become honest about the difference between our expectations and what life is actually like. Life throws us curve balls. Mundane curve balls like vehicle transmission issues as well as bigger things like pain, grief, loss, health challenges, betrayals, major changes in relationships. And we naturally walk through life with expectations. Somehow identifying that difference between my expectations and my actual life reduces the frustration and makes it easier to cope.
I’ve begun to think of this as a little “emotional health” equation:
Expectation - Reflection = Frustration
It’s not nearly as neat and tidy as mathematics, but I have found that my frustration level (stress) is often the difference between my expectations and my willingness to reflect on them. The Holy Spirit is critical to helping me do this reflection and discernment.
Peter Scazzero, author and founding pastor of New Life Fellowship in New York, has been really helpful to me in my spiritual and emotional life. In his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Dr. Scazzero writes about unmet expectations--of life in general, but especially in our relationships with other people. His framework (also discussed in this podcast) has helped me to recognize whether certain expectations are valid or not, and learn to clarify expectations with others for greater understanding and better relationships.
For Scazzero, a valid expectation is one that meets the following qualifiers:
1. Conscious
2. Realistic
3. Spoken
4. Agreed upon
We sometimes expect other people to know what we want before we say it, especially when we know them well. But even those closest to us can not read our minds. Communicating clearly about expectations is essential to emotional, spiritual, and relational health and wellbeing.
Here’s a little exercise you can do to work this out:
This summer, our family’s vehicles were at the mechanic’s shop for a cumulative total of about 3 weeks. For a busy family of four with both parents working full time, I’m sure you can imagine that put more than a wrinkle into our schedules (and wallets!). The whole situation had me stewing (that’s what I do), irritated, and highly frustrated until my wife asked a simple question that broke through my grumbling: “What do you expect?” It wasn’t meant to be snarky or shaming. She just genuinely wondered about the expectations I held for our vehicles--each with over 130,000 miles.
“What do you expect?”
This question brought my heart and mind right back to earth. I decided to take it literally and let it teach me. What I quickly learned was that the source of my frustration and stress was an unmet expectation (that our vehicles would not have mechanical breakdowns). Reflecting on my expectations--in this case, pretty clearly unrealistic--and naming those expectations relieved the pressure and some of the irritation. It brought the whole situation into better focus, it brought me into better touch with myself, and it helped me cope with reality.
I think it’s powerful to become honest about the difference between our expectations and what life is actually like. Life throws us curve balls. Mundane curve balls like vehicle transmission issues as well as bigger things like pain, grief, loss, health challenges, betrayals, major changes in relationships. And we naturally walk through life with expectations. Somehow identifying that difference between my expectations and my actual life reduces the frustration and makes it easier to cope.
I’ve begun to think of this as a little “emotional health” equation:
Expectation - Reflection = Frustration
It’s not nearly as neat and tidy as mathematics, but I have found that my frustration level (stress) is often the difference between my expectations and my willingness to reflect on them. The Holy Spirit is critical to helping me do this reflection and discernment.
Peter Scazzero, author and founding pastor of New Life Fellowship in New York, has been really helpful to me in my spiritual and emotional life. In his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Dr. Scazzero writes about unmet expectations--of life in general, but especially in our relationships with other people. His framework (also discussed in this podcast) has helped me to recognize whether certain expectations are valid or not, and learn to clarify expectations with others for greater understanding and better relationships.
For Scazzero, a valid expectation is one that meets the following qualifiers:
1. Conscious
2. Realistic
3. Spoken
4. Agreed upon
We sometimes expect other people to know what we want before we say it, especially when we know them well. But even those closest to us can not read our minds. Communicating clearly about expectations is essential to emotional, spiritual, and relational health and wellbeing.
Here’s a little exercise you can do to work this out: